Isaiah 40:29–31 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
April 27, 2015
The bouts of trigeminal neuralgia (TN) have been coming more frequently now. I feel like an epileptic waiting for the next attack. I also feel like a stroke victim, my jaw singed closed for fear of aggravating the pain, the saliva filling my mouth until I dare to suck it up. It happens so quietly that when those around me are waiting for a response, I have to point to my jaw and groan to let them know I am in the midst of a bout. It may last for a few seconds or ten minutes. The literature says these bouts likely will increase, but my doctor is hopeful that increasing the medication may abate the incidence. Research also notes the pain, described as an electrical shock or a sudden onset, is said to be of the worst kind. This is to let you know that it hasn't been so for me. I am fortunate that my pain is in the jaw; others suffer from headache or eye pain or pain in both jaws. When the bout passes, I quickly return to normal activity. Last night I thought I would be proactive. I brushed my teeth at 9pm and got into bed by 10pm and fell asleep by 11pm. I brushed so early because I've been having late night bouts and have had to wait until later to brush my teeth to not induce another onset. I thought the quiet bedtime would divest myself of any stress. But I awoke an hour later and stayed up till 3:15 am. So much for that. But during the night I realized that God had permitted this pain to infiltrate my life, not for punishment, but for some other purpose that I still don't know of. He wants me to relinquish this condition to Him, not asking for an answer but acknowledging that He Who created me will use it for some good purpose. So through my tears and weariness, God fills me with His Strength to not only endure but to fill my days with hope that life can still be unimaginably good. So don't grieve for me...I am smiling.
My blood is a coveted commodity, according to the Blood Bank of Hawaii…O+ and of some makeup that makes it safe to transfuse babies and toddlers. I thought all blood was acceptable for young ones, so this was an interesting fact delivered to me as an incidental comment by one of the techs attending me. At that point, my public service of giving blood no longer became voluntary but rather a duty. Sadly, Saturday's attempt to fill the donation pool with O+/babies supply was thwarted. My blood screenings were good, the needle was in, and my rhythmic squeezing began. I anticipated that I would be done in 5 minutes, the proud accomplishment that is usually mine. The alarm sounded and I thought it signaled completion, but I was only half-a-bag full, and then my blood stopped dripping! The tech said maybe because I was dehydrated…I had drunk no water that morning and only sipped my coffee a quarter of the way before I left. I should have known better. I feel I failed being a good samaritan.
I must be aware of my surroundings when I read Bittersweet. During my blood donation, I stifled the tears that dripped on my lids over her description because I thought of Elly: My parents tell me all the time that I deserved a kid like you. They tell me this when you’re being naughty—when you run away from me, or when you look me in the eye and say no. They say, you deserved this, as they laugh. But I know better than to think for even one second that I deserve you…. You’re all the best parts of life. You teach me and push me and wear me out, and you delight me and make me laugh so hard I cry. I don’t know how I ended up with a kid like you, but I’m thankful every day. Isn't this the way we feel about Elly? Maybe my emotional stifling also stifled the blood in my veins. Maybe that was the true culprit of my failure. So much for reading when I donate. Maybe I'll try meditating instead.
Finally got my hands on Ruby, our nickname for the red car. (Consequentially, we also had to name the old Mazda6, so I named it Charlie, which I thought was more endearing than Grayson, Dad's choice.) Dad parked on one of the streets leading up to Kahulu District Park and I raised the seat 2 inches before pressing the button and proceeding on to the Park to learn how to park. Neither Dad nor I could park Ruby well in the non-diagonal Park spaces, even after repeated tries. I think it's a psychological thing because she is as long as Jenny's car, which I have no trouble parking. With her rearview camera, though, backing into the space was duck soup. More practice sessions with Ruby for me, next time at Keehi Lagoon.
Praying that in your times of weakness, you will choose to hope in the only One who can give you the strength to endure and not faint.
xxxooo
Mom
BTW, have added another recipe that has become one of my favorites.
April 27, 2015
The bouts of trigeminal neuralgia (TN) have been coming more frequently now. I feel like an epileptic waiting for the next attack. I also feel like a stroke victim, my jaw singed closed for fear of aggravating the pain, the saliva filling my mouth until I dare to suck it up. It happens so quietly that when those around me are waiting for a response, I have to point to my jaw and groan to let them know I am in the midst of a bout. It may last for a few seconds or ten minutes. The literature says these bouts likely will increase, but my doctor is hopeful that increasing the medication may abate the incidence. Research also notes the pain, described as an electrical shock or a sudden onset, is said to be of the worst kind. This is to let you know that it hasn't been so for me. I am fortunate that my pain is in the jaw; others suffer from headache or eye pain or pain in both jaws. When the bout passes, I quickly return to normal activity. Last night I thought I would be proactive. I brushed my teeth at 9pm and got into bed by 10pm and fell asleep by 11pm. I brushed so early because I've been having late night bouts and have had to wait until later to brush my teeth to not induce another onset. I thought the quiet bedtime would divest myself of any stress. But I awoke an hour later and stayed up till 3:15 am. So much for that. But during the night I realized that God had permitted this pain to infiltrate my life, not for punishment, but for some other purpose that I still don't know of. He wants me to relinquish this condition to Him, not asking for an answer but acknowledging that He Who created me will use it for some good purpose. So through my tears and weariness, God fills me with His Strength to not only endure but to fill my days with hope that life can still be unimaginably good. So don't grieve for me...I am smiling.
My blood is a coveted commodity, according to the Blood Bank of Hawaii…O+ and of some makeup that makes it safe to transfuse babies and toddlers. I thought all blood was acceptable for young ones, so this was an interesting fact delivered to me as an incidental comment by one of the techs attending me. At that point, my public service of giving blood no longer became voluntary but rather a duty. Sadly, Saturday's attempt to fill the donation pool with O+/babies supply was thwarted. My blood screenings were good, the needle was in, and my rhythmic squeezing began. I anticipated that I would be done in 5 minutes, the proud accomplishment that is usually mine. The alarm sounded and I thought it signaled completion, but I was only half-a-bag full, and then my blood stopped dripping! The tech said maybe because I was dehydrated…I had drunk no water that morning and only sipped my coffee a quarter of the way before I left. I should have known better. I feel I failed being a good samaritan.
I must be aware of my surroundings when I read Bittersweet. During my blood donation, I stifled the tears that dripped on my lids over her description because I thought of Elly: My parents tell me all the time that I deserved a kid like you. They tell me this when you’re being naughty—when you run away from me, or when you look me in the eye and say no. They say, you deserved this, as they laugh. But I know better than to think for even one second that I deserve you…. You’re all the best parts of life. You teach me and push me and wear me out, and you delight me and make me laugh so hard I cry. I don’t know how I ended up with a kid like you, but I’m thankful every day. Isn't this the way we feel about Elly? Maybe my emotional stifling also stifled the blood in my veins. Maybe that was the true culprit of my failure. So much for reading when I donate. Maybe I'll try meditating instead.
Finally got my hands on Ruby, our nickname for the red car. (Consequentially, we also had to name the old Mazda6, so I named it Charlie, which I thought was more endearing than Grayson, Dad's choice.) Dad parked on one of the streets leading up to Kahulu District Park and I raised the seat 2 inches before pressing the button and proceeding on to the Park to learn how to park. Neither Dad nor I could park Ruby well in the non-diagonal Park spaces, even after repeated tries. I think it's a psychological thing because she is as long as Jenny's car, which I have no trouble parking. With her rearview camera, though, backing into the space was duck soup. More practice sessions with Ruby for me, next time at Keehi Lagoon.
Praying that in your times of weakness, you will choose to hope in the only One who can give you the strength to endure and not faint.
xxxooo
Mom
BTW, have added another recipe that has become one of my favorites.